I’ve been laying low this week. I had some posts I had scheduled and some that were in drafts, but I put them all away or postponed them for the time being.
On Monday, I received the horrible news that my oldest and one of my closest friends had passed away.
I have been devastated since.
I will miss my friend more than words can say. I feel I have lost a piece of myself.
She & I had a strange connection, something not everyone understood. We had our ups and downs, but through and through, we were linked by something strange and intangible.
I’m just so saddened by this news. I’ve felt denial, bewilderment, sadness, regret, anger, the list of emotions could go on. But mostly, I just think of how much I already miss her.
I’ve been on the fence on if I would actually post this, but she was such a huge part of who I am and how I came to be, that I had to share, as painful as it is.
We were weird girls together, most people labelled us as “goth” but really, we were just weird and we got that about each other. We would so often know what was going on in one another’s head, it could be spooky. Even when we no longer lived in the same city, we would find our selves thinking of the other at the same time.
We went through some moody, self discovery, experimental times together. We would spend our time listening to music and casting spells, we’d take photos of each other in attempts to either be alt models or to just be artsy, we’d stay up way too late to take walks around unsavoury neighbourhoods or stay in and swoon over Conan’s string dance.
We had a fake band that was the best fake band in all the land, we made up some funny songs singing along to some really bad tracks by a indie metal band that had stalked us around the neighbourhood to give us a copy. We thought they were going to attack us, but we held hands, looked at each other and I could see it writ on both our faces, if shit happens, we will kick their asses. We never took any guff.
We used to watch our favourite movies over and over and over again. I can’t tell you how many times she & I had watched Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, or Natural Born Killers or Rubin & Ed. We had so many quotes that we’d turn into ticks and couldn’t stop saying over and over….”TAKE THE TICKET!”…”My cat can eat a whole watermelon!”…
Our motto was “Too weird to live, too rare to die” from Fear & Loathing. She had gotten it tattooed on her the last time she came out to visit, I was supposed to get it done too so we could have matching tattoos.
I think that is something that stings me the most. “Too weird to live, too rare to die” She was special to me, she was the most wonderful kind of weird, but she was too rare as well. She wasn’t supposed to leave. This world has lost something beautiful and weird and far too rare.
She was funny, beautiful, bright, moody, smart and she’d never believe you if you ever told her any of it.
I loved her.
I will always miss her.
Good bye, my lovely friend.